Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Ice Cream Excavation

I hardly ever buy ice cream.

It gives my husband a reason (besides getting the emergency gallon of milk) to venture into the fluorescent isles of the grocery store in his pajamas with cocktail glasses printed all over them.

My ice cream standards:
1. Chocolate and/or coffee is one of the first five ingredients
2. Full fat content
3. No air-fluffed crap marketed as "extra churned"
4. Some sort of crunchy nut content preferred

My husband's ice cream standards:
1. Price
2. Quantity
3. Two for the price of one! sale (price AND quantity)

To me, ice cream is an occasional treat. He would love to eat a giant bowl every night.

I know. Our ice cream standards are mutually exclusive. Sometimes even we wonder why we are married. Despite our ice cream differences, we make it work. The boys adapt as best they can.

Tonight my sweet tooth got the better of me and even though there was only the cheap stuff in the freezer, I had to have a little bowl. I opened the lid to find . . . a crater right down the middle.

Difficult to capture in a photo, this ice cream "swirled and trailed" with rich creamy buttery classic golden and chocolaty items only has those items in the center. Sides are left unadorned. Hence the crater.
You see, the ice cream purchased for its price and quantity properties does not have even distribution of ingredients. My kids know that with this type of ice cream, the caramel and tiny little chocolate-like pieces are only present down the middle of the carton. And who wants the flavorless plain ice cream around the sides? Not the person who last attacked this ice cream.

Well you know what? I don't want the stuff around the sides either. So I carefully continued the crater right down to the bottom of the carton, excavating a small scoop of ice cream with lots of caramel in it. Then I put it back in the freezer.

My oldest son later wandered into the kitchen, opened the freezer, and grabbed the ice cream. He opened it up and groaned. All the good stuff was gone.

Only traces of "thick golden caramel" and "caramel cups sprinkled throughout" remain.  
Just for fun, let's look at how many adjectives on the carton try to convince us this ice cream is exactly like the good stuff. 
Premium (printed all over the lid)
Select
Classic
Luscious
Thick
Golden
Natural
Sweet
Rich
Creamy
Buttery
Toffee-Flavored
Chocolaty
Delightful
I don't think I could add any more to this list except for maybe "cold." It sounds good but is completely unsatisfying. I guess I just prefer the stuff made with just a few quality ingredients and less copywriting. When we have the good ice cream in the house there is never a crater in it.

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